Perfection

The impossibility of Christianity is the perfection of Jesus
Now I am a devout Christian, love my faith and enjoy it a lot but something has troubled me lately.
As Christians we are supposed to strive to live as Jesus did, and it is said many times in the bible that Jesus was perfect.
So we are to live to aspire to perfection, the trouble with that is we cannot attain perfection, it even says we cannot reach it as we are inherently flawed.
It also says God is ok with this, his love unending, unconditional allows us to reach for an unattainable goal.
This annoys me, recently very recently I have been battling with this fact, if we are never to attain it why reach for it?
If I will never become as Christ then why bother trying when god loves me no matter what I do.

This infuriates me I want boundaries the human in me needs to have limits to its ability but the thing is there is no measure of Christianity there I so measure of how good a Christian you are sure there are the rough guidelines of how you should live and there are instructions in the bible to love everyone etc but there is no way anyone can have a yard stick to their faith because its such a personal thing, its such a personal battle, journey, crusade.
You cannot be compared to anyone else deep in your heart you know if your actions and words reflect your faith and where your relationship with God is.
But I want to have measures I want systems in place to tell me where I am in the pursuit of my goal.
But Christianity is not a job, it’s not a routine, it’s factual and emotional and mental and spiritual and physical all at the same time.
My friend once told me “Christians are too heavenly minded for any Earthly purpose”

I realised the idealistic way that I wanted to live, is attainable but in a different way, I am limited by the world.
Sure I would love to say I will live every moment for Jesus, every beat of my heart be dedicated to my love and worship for the lord.
But the truth is it cant, that’s an inconceivable statement, its physically impossible.
Simply because of the base needs to survive in this world, eating, drinking, and sleeping.
But the beauty of my limits is that.
That’s how God wants me to be.
He built me perfect for my purpose.
What I realised is God doesn’t call us to live that way, he doesn’t want us to attain a high spirituality and remain oblivious to the world around us, he doesn’t want us to segregate ourselves from the world we are in, he does not want heaven on earth.
We are broken and frail and imperfect that is not our condition but our design
For heavenly purposes we are not fit, our vessel is inadequate, but god will provide that in time, upon judgement.

We are designed to better the world, to live in our condition and to make the most of our imperfection, make it perfect for our purpose.
We are not meant to attain it, only reach for it, not segregate ourselves but immerse ourselves.
This does not mean I am satisfied with this conclusion only that I have reached one, I am still so very angry with God at this apparent failing of him.
I’m not satisfied with it, but something I have realised is I have been making my faith a job, not what it should be, stripped away my faith should be based on love for my lord not checking boxes of what a good Christian should be.
I have to learn to be still and not work towards that goal incessantly, my faith is both a practical and spiritual process.
It is important both to make disciples of the world, and just to be in the world.
Its so hard to convey the range of thoughts and emotions frustration utter anger that I am feeling, the complexities of God will never be caged because he is limitless ( a fact which reeks havoc with my mind) and I will never be able to say what I want there are not enough lifetimes.
I'm beginning to ramble.
My final thought is this.

When my faith is stripped away to its core, I want the love of Jesus to be in my heart, and for everything in my life to spring from that.