Love, Fable

My Friend said to me

I find it so hard to be real with people, because they know that others expect them to be so perfect, and i don't actually mean perfect but practically perfect
My Friends friends say
"Oh such and such never complains" "They are always so Nice"
"Never a Bad Word spoken"

They said to me "I cant be real, because that's not the me they know"

I'm sick of this being the truth, why cant we be real all the time
There are many reasons
Sometimes its a small problem and will go away if we ignore it, sometimes that's true
Sometimes its because we are so sick of dealing with it we just want to ignore it for a while

The last, we cant be real with everyone, we just cant, we don't trust the world enough
We have lost our faith in our fellow man

Satan's winning that one

Why don't i trust my neighbour enough to stay at their place when I'm locked out of mine
When did pleasantries stop being pleasant
When did i loose faith in people

When did people loose faith in me

Lets get back to it people, bbqs in the backyard
Knowing your neighbour
Where is the love

The Boy, The Man

Is to be in Love naive
Only to old eyes
But what about the Boy, Who's eyes were new
Would he agree
That Love is naive

Not the Boy the Man was, no not him
His Heart would cry, his anger would rise
If he saw his mirror he would ask

What cold wind closed your heart?
Why do you fear to feel, or to feel fear?
Up and Down is the way of the world
Who are you to be too tired

The Man would think the boy knew nothing

Silence your lips boy, pain is as foreign as hurt to you
In your eyes a rose twinge
In your heart open hands
Catching all thrown at you

The Boy screamed

Better to catch all pain, then to catch no love
Be the man I was born to be, BE the Boy who never became a man
a cynic you cannot act
not should you try
Do not fear the tears
She will be there to dry your eyes

The Boy and The Girl

She went to his house
and asked
Where is the boy, the boy i knew and the boy i loved

He answered, i know your face but not your heart

It was him, but not to her
To her, he was wrong
He was young but his heart was old

She said
You are the boy i seek, but you love not as one
Your heart is in your minds lashes
You are the man you never wanted to be

He replied
True, my mind ensnares my heart
To be young has the toll of growing old
The younger you are, the older you must grow

She asked
Why Boy, why are you the man i do not love

He replied
Because, I was not the boy you loved neither
Maybe i was... once, but not now
Now when the loves sun leaves
The night sets in
and the light which once illuminated my way
is replaced
and the way forgotten

So i crawled, for days and days
My muscles tore, my heart did bleed
The man you see
Is the boy who walked that path
No more

Alive she said... Alive, and in love you were, why boy
why boy
It is only the heart of a Boy any Girl can ever love
Girls have no Man but their father
They need the boy, that feels as they do
In Youth

I would be that boy again, could i open this account
Yet no call has been made
For its open
I never wished it closed
Nor did i believe it would be
But that it is

and the Girl Walked Home

Ocean Dredging For The Soul

So i tried it.
I talked to N, we fought for the first 20 minutes
Then we both apologised
Then I did something... I tried to be nice, so i asked her... How are you...
The awkwardness returned
I hated the experience, why are people not content with unspoken hostility... its just so much easier.
It feels so fake... being nice to her, am i lying to her, to myself.
Its Ocean Dredging For The Soul

Trent talking with Kate

Native "Blah" says: KATE KATE KATE
Native "Blah" says: KATE KATE KATE
Native "Blah" says: KATE KATE KATE
Native "Blah" says: KATE KATE KATE
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: !!!!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says: KATE KATE KATE

You have just sent a nudge.

Kate ; Extreme Fun! says: haha hey
Native "Blah" says: OMG
Native "Blah" says: GOD IS SO FRIKIN AMAZING
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:lol
Native "Blah" says:ok ok ok
Native "Blah" says:well
Native "Blah" says:wait
Native "Blah" says:do u have time to hear this story
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:come on!!!!
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:yup
Native "Blah" says:ok
Native "Blah" says:well
Native "Blah" says:ok lng stri but i held charlottes hand for asges, which is cute but was wrong to do
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:well....
Native "Blah" says:because
Native "Blah" says:if i start being all couply now, then thers no real point waiting for god its jst like im lying to him
Native "Blah" says:so i told fraser
Native "Blah" says:and we sorted out after ages of talking
Native "Blah" says:that i have to invite her tochurch, and see how that goes and if she dosent really get a spark for itNative "Blah" says:
then thats my answer as far as dating her goes
Native "Blah" says:and i didnt like that answer
Native "Blah" says:i wanted it to be, yeah go for it bro
Native "Blah" says:so i was frustrated at god, but i said to him
Native "Blah" says:look i WANT it to be ok to date charlie
Native "Blah" says:BUT
Native "Blah" says:if its not meant to be, then i dont want it to be
Native "Blah" says:then i went to bed right
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:aha
Native "Blah" says:andi wake up 2dae
Native "Blah" says:and theres mail for me
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:yea
Native "Blah" says:and its from carey baptist, telling me i got accepted into intermission
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:ahh!!!!!!
Native "Blah" says:and im flippin over the moon about it and i realise... god has had his hand over my life for EVER
Native "Blah" says:for all of it
Native "Blah" says:like think about it
Native "Blah" says:that trip stephen talked about, sports camp, learning maori, africa, my course next year, getting over nix
Native "Blah" says:and what tania said about pruining comes first
Native "Blah" says:and fruit comes later
Native "Blah" says:this is the fruit
Native "Blah" says:all that struggle
Native "Blah" says:over nix and all that,
Native "Blah" says:gods rewarding me
Native "Blah" says:its amazing, hes amazing
Native "Blah" says:and hes also
Native "Blah" says:not even just rewarded me
Native "Blah" says:but i got another piece of mail saying my school wants me 2 come back and get interviewd as a part of an english class
Native "Blah" says:and i realised
Native "Blah" says:that he also is saying, go speak about my
Native "Blah" says:me
Native "Blah" says:me as in god
Native "Blah" says:go speak about me
Native "Blah" says:OH MY LYF
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:oh my gosh
Kate ; Extreme Fun! says:hahah thats amazing
Native "Blah" says:SO SO SO MUCH STUFF
Native "Blah" says:isnt it, but its not even that, its him
Native "Blah" says:hes amazing

Explosion

Sometimes, i get this feeling in, kind of in my spine, at the base of my spine
where i just want to explode... where a chain reaction rips my body apart.
its so intense and lasts not even a second.
it somehow seems to go up my spine so fast and lodge in my brain.
and its so painful, but its not there long enough for me to feel the pain.

and its when i think of GOD
He is just so enormous, i cant describe it and I'm afraid ATM that if i start to try, then i will get that feeling.
its like there is a funnel and GOD is pouring his entirety into my head, and i cant hold it.
there is to much to say, and not enough time.
even thsi feeble blog does him no good.
i look across the mangroves, and i think, the wat4er ripples precisley in time with the wind which moves the trees as i smell the wind.
what kind of GOD even thinks of physical matter... i cant explain him, but i thirst and hunger and NEED GOD, so much and i wish others were so addicted.

I just need him
HE is SO enormous, that there is nothing else

I wanted this blog to be amazing, its not, and it couldnt have been, hes to big
to fit on this screen.

How can two people in the same room, be so far apart and so close for they are the children of christ

The scissors won't cut

Relationships... that word.. it can mean so many things
Relationships... the very word means connections between people, and in that sense can relationships ever end, theoretically the memories and bonds always hold those involved together in some way.

Yes True

But
They hold onto the past, that is all past relationships can do
It aggrivates me when people try to bring those relationships through to the present, emotional bagagge is baggage that should be in the lost and never found box.
Those relationships, those ties, they have a purpose
But that is to facilitate the memories of the past

Sometimes even after a breakup people dont know how to cut the ties, or know how but dont.
Why
When some work so hard to cut theirs, can the other not have the common curtisy to do the same.
when others hold onto the strings they are never free
and all i wish is that they were
But thats a fight i cant help them with, and its better that i dont.

The past is beautiful, but its the past
Try get past it people

Purpose

It is a strangely familiar feeling, peace of mind.
although one i haven't known much, i could recognise it completely when i received it.
Yesterday, was the beginning of a journey for me, a journey which i have no idea where it will lead me.
God, my king showed me i must go to Africa next year and before i go, i must learn Te Reo and Kapa Haka.

We had a guest speaker, a missionary named Suzi, who is a photographer, and God spoke through her about using your gifts for him.
In my mind i just had this image, me leading the haka in an African villi age, me learning the taiaha, defending women, not for glory or anything like that but because it has to happen.
The photos Suzi showed, there was such raw emotion in them. Fear, Anger, Sorrow.
i thought to myself... that's not how women should... ever look... its not sad, or bad... its just wrong, its the opposite of how it should be.
How do people ever get the idea to make others feel like that.

I have been thinking for a while about what it means to be a MAN of God, an actual MAN, and how we have to stand up for women.
This is Gods commandment for me... I cant wait

Warrior

Sometimes, Men... Need to fight.
Sometimes to grit and bear it, means to take the punches, like a man.

That statement, how much does it mean anymore
Be a man
What does that mean anymore.
Be a man

Sometimes, blood needs to hit the ground.
Its not hurting someone else, thats not why we fight
Its because there are lines that if you cross that is the reply you get.

People say its barbaric, unessecary and its not the answer
Sometimes... its the only answer.

Let men handle the business of men

Its Ok

Sometimes the walls crumble, and the cold wind whipps across our tender heart.
Sometimes the fight against the tears is lost... and water falls to the floor
Sometimes the light dies... and darkness begins to hold us...

But its ok...
Because... Because its ok.
Because a heart is there to feel
Because the tears are there to feel
Because without the dark how will we ever see how beautiful the light is.

Sometimes the walls crumble
Sometimes the tears fall
Sometimes the light dies
Sometimes
But every other time...

Your walls are strong, and the foundations are solid, you soldier through the pain
Your tears do not fall, but the rivers of living water from your heart pour on to those who are parched
Sometimes the light dies
So you can shine

Someone elses job

Someone else does it now.
The job switched hands
But the old workers dont miss their job, as much as they used to.
They just dont like that someone else does their job.
It was theirs and no one could do it better, not a soul.
Perhaps they were wrong

Perhaps they were right, and its the job description that changed
Maybe
Time will tell

So sad

A week for every month
Thats the golden rule
The rule i abide by
But not the rule she abides by
I knew i wasnt over it, and i was okay with that

A week for every month

It hurts, and its supposed to
i dont like it, but i know ill live.
you never stop loving someone, the love only changes, morphs into the love it was always destined to be.
A Complete love
Holy

It will take time to heal, perhaps more now... but god shal sustain me.
He promised me he would.
My love was always in my mind, i knew my head wasnt right, so that helps me now... my insanity disproven i now battle on.
Through it all over again, but i know i can survive.
I know i will survive.

I wish to be happy for her, i hope that comes in time
It must come in time
Everything comes...
In Time

Not Me

Who saved her... Who saved that girl from the burning fires
'It was not me'
But sir you are covered in burns, your face is dark and dirty if not you then who?

'It was not me' Our lives, the lives of the people of the world are tapestries of worship... worship to one thing or another, the pursuit of money, the love of a good woman
But our lives are not about us, its not about how much or how long or how many of anything.
Its not about me, dont read this as an act of humility because its not, its an acknowledgement that my life is not important enough to be written about, no matter what i am to do
To save the world from a disaster, to become superman, it is nothing compared to that which we should all worship
No skill, no prowess is ever to outshine that which we should all worship.

Its not about me, if you never saw my name it would not matter, for i am named by the one of all

Superhero

I asked the girl hanging on the edge
"Can i be your superhero?"
I asked the girl on the ledge
"Can i be your superhero?"

"Can i be selfless for you and selfless for me?"
"In your pain can i be all you want to see?"
"I cannot fly, nor can i run at any blinding pace"
"But my reward will be the smile upon your face"
"But in this joy there is a cost you see"

"For saving the day tends to be a routine"
I asked the girl hanging on the edge
"Can you be my superhero?"

"I need to save you, as you save me"
"My purpose tends to depend on which way your happiness ends"
"For what is the hero without the damsel if anything at all"
"Is the presence of the hero what makes the damsel fall?"
"Is it me, or is it you the one with the cape?"
"Am I why you are jumping to this untimley fate?"

I said to the girl hanging on the edge
"It is not you that needs me"
"It is I that strives everyday to make yours the face i see"

Limited by the Limited

How many people wanted to be an astronaut? How many people wanted to be super heroes?
How many people waited up at night thinking of the limitless possibilities presented to them?
How many of you said "We have our whole lives ahead of us?"
All of you.

How many of you are the astronaut your seven year old equivalent wanted you to be?
Not many of you...

The question is why?
Why when we were once so limitless are we now, restrained?
Choked by a society based on the ideas of crushing down the glimmers of hope that spring up from the pooling masses.
We wake up staring into this world reflecting the limitless nature of the sky and spaces around then as we grow older the towering failures of those around us serve to cloud the sky's limitlessness that we should reflect.

As we grow, we forget
Dont let the failures of those before set the precident, dont accept the status quo
Define your dream, and dream bigger
So big that the night can no longer hold it
And as your dream walks into the day... you find its no longer a dream
But the truest reality

The Sound

The Sound
The sound, the rhythm, the smooth melody
Rise, fall, Together, Music
The music moves, through the air, alive, feeling, and growing
A perfect embodiment to peace, perfection Is the sound of the guitar

Of the voice Of the lyrics It's the music that fills me, it can bring me alive as a puppet is made by their master
Music holds my strings, and folds me, breaks me, moves me
Swirling in the air around me, infusing me with it
Each song and I have a meaning
Each piece of the perfect composition a dedication to life In the notes you hear

You hear Grace I move with it, it moves me and I in return it
I am lifted and dropped as the strings bend and tense
The rise, the fall, the tools of the architect of perfection
The beat, changing my heart, the speed, the sensation magnificent
As I close my eyes the notes move in the darkness
The guitar no longer an instrument, but an entity The voice a heartbeat, something needed, something yearned for.

Boys Rule and Girls Drool

For so long i have been subject to many inane, idiotic claims by a member of one gender or the other saying that they are superior to the other.
For so long it has driven me insane i decided to write what i have found out about the subject.

Firstly the misconception that boys think about nothing but sex is completely false
Also is the misconception that girls don't think about sex.
The reason this is so widely believed is because people refuse to speak 100% honestly about it.

This is how boys value sex.
Boys search for sexual gratification in different ways to girls, they search for the physical release associated with sex.
This is why boys enjoy sex, they enjoy it for the physicality of it, that's not to say boys want sex all the time, that's a small portion, this only says that its why we have sex.
As to why so many young and older men are sex crazed is personal to them, maybe they as a person do not value relationships and are purely searching for the climax whatever it is i don't know.
Regardless of what boys do with their relationships this is how they view the act of sex.

As to how girls value sex
Girls value the relationship associated with sex, of course their bodies also respond to the physical nature of sex but what they really value is the intimacy achieved with giving themselves so utterly to a person.
Through the adolescent years girls change their personalities (partially consciously and subconsciously) and whilst doing this they are seeing how people respond to their new persona, they are analysing (especially the way males) react to them.
During this time if they begin to have sex with a person they subconsciously make a note that the personality and acts they are making are making people respond to them in a positive way so they keep doing them this is as to why some girls have a lot of sex, its not for the physical act its for the love associated with having sex.
They value intimacy differently to boys not to say either is wrong or right just that we are different.

Boys yes are more openly sexually promiscuous or at least that is the wider believed standard.
Girls yes some times are very promiscuous but not for the reasons most people believe.

Girls are not Better than boys and nor are Boys better than girls
We are just different.

Huh Quite possibly

I love the teenage years
People always speak of how they believe they didnt have as much fun as they would have liked or that they wasted their years.
Because they sat there thinking "cant wait till i grow up" or something among those lines
The key to having a life fufilled, smell the flowers
Cliche much
Very

But true none the less, i mean i realise these are great years, these are the years where romance can be anywhere, the responsibilities you have are only the ones you choose to take upon yourself.
You think the world will end when she breaks up with you
You think the world will end if you fail this paper

The world ends when you start to believe those lies
Shes not your world, just a beautiful part of it
University isnt your life, its a tool

Define success for yourself and chase it

A boy came to the wisest of all men and asked "How might i have a life fufilled?"
He replied "See this spoon full of oil, take it around my palace and do not spill a drop"
The boy did as he was commanded and visited every room in the large palace and did not spill a single drop upon returning to the wise man he said
"I have done as you asked"
The wise man replied "Did you see the beautiful gardens or hanging tapestries on my walls?"
"No" replied the boy "My eyes were fixed upon the oil"
"Ahh" said the wise man "The secret to a life fufilled is to see all the tapestries and wonders of the world, without dropping the oil"

Admirable

There are a few people in my life who have very admirable qualities.
These people have something very special about them, something very, very impressive.
From a Christian standpoint at least

So often in our faith we are faced with problems that have two answers, one is what is called the 'right' thing to do, the thing that is more congruent to a healty faith.

The other is what would benefit ourselves personally on a non faith basis, what would make us feel good, or benefit financially or whatever.

There are people in my life that show the ability to choose the former over the latter, this shows so much determination and dedication to their faith.
They are working as we all should be, its something i really admire about people, rising above base desires in order to do what is right.

Another very admirable quality and one i wish i possessed is the ability to draw the line on relationships involving the opposite gender and faith.
Knowing how to offer help without making it a possible relationship, this sounds quite easy and i suppose vauge but its something i really admire

Yeah thats about it

Long Time

Its been a long time (since i lay with you in bed, Josh Kelley Almost Honest)since i last blogged.
Im in a very good mood atm, nothing amazing, faith back on track, cute girl i like, good stuff, school nearly finished, intermission coming up, yayness

Heart Break

It hurts so much to loose something you love.
But it hurts so much more, to have to give her up.
I mean its easy to understand if you get broken up with, theres no choice in the matter for you, you must move on.
But when you let them go, you start to regret it, you miss what was there, you miss the intimacy and try to replace it with false intimacy.
where the only thing that should fill the gap is

God

I miss Nicola so much but its for the best that it ended, although that gives me little comfort when I'm alone and have no one around to talk to, it is truth, it is fact.
I miss her, i just want to keep typing that, but whats more important is that i begin to move on, i just have to trust in God, and see what happens, put my life utterly in his hands

Imperfection

As I have been troubled lately with the issue of the perfection of Jesus, I have always known the answer, and I have always known that I have known the answer.
God doesn’t call us to be perfect, firstly because there isn’t perfection, not in humanity anyway.
The ideal woman for one man is the complete wrong woman for another man.
God doesn’t want perfection that’s not the goal that should be on our list.
He doesn’t ever say to men “become perfect” he says “live as Christ” which means perfection isn’t our goal, to be humble, selfless, generous, caring and all the other things Christ was.
It just so happens he was perfect himself, doesn’t mean we have to be.
He also doesn’t call us to be segregated by our perfection, if ever we were to reach perfection that would be the day we are farthest from it.
God calls us to love, that’s it, listen to him, love him and honour him.
The rest is all subjective.
Philippians 4: 13 “I can do all through Christ who strengthens me”
We are not perfect, but we can channel God’s perfection.

It’s easier said than done, I mean it’s so hard to be loving to all, or always do the right thing, or think the right thing or not think the wrong thing, this is my next topic to research, I want to know practical steps to being a better Christian.

Beauty

We are punished by our sins, not for them

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't

Perfection

The impossibility of Christianity is the perfection of Jesus
Now I am a devout Christian, love my faith and enjoy it a lot but something has troubled me lately.
As Christians we are supposed to strive to live as Jesus did, and it is said many times in the bible that Jesus was perfect.
So we are to live to aspire to perfection, the trouble with that is we cannot attain perfection, it even says we cannot reach it as we are inherently flawed.
It also says God is ok with this, his love unending, unconditional allows us to reach for an unattainable goal.
This annoys me, recently very recently I have been battling with this fact, if we are never to attain it why reach for it?
If I will never become as Christ then why bother trying when god loves me no matter what I do.

This infuriates me I want boundaries the human in me needs to have limits to its ability but the thing is there is no measure of Christianity there I so measure of how good a Christian you are sure there are the rough guidelines of how you should live and there are instructions in the bible to love everyone etc but there is no way anyone can have a yard stick to their faith because its such a personal thing, its such a personal battle, journey, crusade.
You cannot be compared to anyone else deep in your heart you know if your actions and words reflect your faith and where your relationship with God is.
But I want to have measures I want systems in place to tell me where I am in the pursuit of my goal.
But Christianity is not a job, it’s not a routine, it’s factual and emotional and mental and spiritual and physical all at the same time.
My friend once told me “Christians are too heavenly minded for any Earthly purpose”

I realised the idealistic way that I wanted to live, is attainable but in a different way, I am limited by the world.
Sure I would love to say I will live every moment for Jesus, every beat of my heart be dedicated to my love and worship for the lord.
But the truth is it cant, that’s an inconceivable statement, its physically impossible.
Simply because of the base needs to survive in this world, eating, drinking, and sleeping.
But the beauty of my limits is that.
That’s how God wants me to be.
He built me perfect for my purpose.
What I realised is God doesn’t call us to live that way, he doesn’t want us to attain a high spirituality and remain oblivious to the world around us, he doesn’t want us to segregate ourselves from the world we are in, he does not want heaven on earth.
We are broken and frail and imperfect that is not our condition but our design
For heavenly purposes we are not fit, our vessel is inadequate, but god will provide that in time, upon judgement.

We are designed to better the world, to live in our condition and to make the most of our imperfection, make it perfect for our purpose.
We are not meant to attain it, only reach for it, not segregate ourselves but immerse ourselves.
This does not mean I am satisfied with this conclusion only that I have reached one, I am still so very angry with God at this apparent failing of him.
I’m not satisfied with it, but something I have realised is I have been making my faith a job, not what it should be, stripped away my faith should be based on love for my lord not checking boxes of what a good Christian should be.
I have to learn to be still and not work towards that goal incessantly, my faith is both a practical and spiritual process.
It is important both to make disciples of the world, and just to be in the world.
Its so hard to convey the range of thoughts and emotions frustration utter anger that I am feeling, the complexities of God will never be caged because he is limitless ( a fact which reeks havoc with my mind) and I will never be able to say what I want there are not enough lifetimes.
I'm beginning to ramble.
My final thought is this.

When my faith is stripped away to its core, I want the love of Jesus to be in my heart, and for everything in my life to spring from that.

Back to the Blog...

So i havent blogged for a while now or at least not as well as i would have liked.
I have been kind of floating lately no motivation so im looking for it now.
Will post something amazing soon

I don't understand...

I don't understand.
I have been told, from my school that i cannot drop physics and biology, for what reason i do not know.
That i cannot have as much independent learning time as I would if i dropped those classes.
That i must return to those classes, take a gateway course or leave school.

I don't understand, why would a school want a student in a class which he himself does not enjoy, has no passion for, a class where the teachers understand and respect his opinion on that, where he if he is put back in that class will make no attempt to further his knowledge in these courses.

Also i know what i want to do, so where is the point in taking those classes which do not work towards that goal... I don't understand the purpose

If im wrong or am missing something please tell me but if im not then why does no one else understand my point of view

My Love

Its nothing words can describe
I cant even describe the pain of the struggle to find the words
She is...
There are no words
Its such a struggle
But one i welcome
I would rather toil, struggle, be battered and broken
Then exist without her
Because in that toil and struggle
I am whole
I know what i am
I know why i am

If ever there is a shining example of gods grace it is her...
I don't know what i ever did to have her smile upon me
For whatever reason she does.
I love because of her

My Essay

My Essay

Normally my essay would follow strict guidelines as approved by intelligent people that know what they are talking about when it comes to English and essays and such.
I do not doubt their ability as educators or as moderators, I understand the length of time spent struggling to attain the qualifications that they so rightly deserve, however I do doubt their ability to understand me.

I understand the value of higher learning, continuing study at a tertiary level, it serves the world as a whole well, and there is so much value in the continuation of learning, which is of course the entire purpose for tertiary study or study at all.
I understand the parents and teachers genuine want for students to excel, to shine their ability out to the world and they believe tertiary study in a university or a tech establishment is invaluable, for a certain kind of learner.

However I am not that learner, certain aspects of school life just don’t support the way I learn, and people may view this as a cop out, a low self confidence in my ability.
But it’s just the opposite, I have supreme confidence in my ability to learn, to grow, and many other skills.
The point of this essay isn’t to build myself up and advertise my ability; the point of this essay is to say.
I will not be following the path that mainstream education wishes of me.

I see its value, and I understand people need the structure and uniform methods of learning that it offers, I understand that school is too much of a vast place to tailor their courses to suit one self confessed free spirit.
I understand every teachers yearning for me to reach the potential I show to have.

Think about this statement “To realise ones destiny is a person’s only obligation” this statement is how I would like to live and have wanted to. (Courtesy of Ms White)
Now it sounds very “free spirited”, impulsive, and irresponsible but its not.
This line was taken from a book all about following dreams, bear with me
In this story a simple shepherd boy has a recurring dream which he doesn’t understand.
He seeks out a woman who can interpret dreams which tells him to seek the pyramids of Egypt for a treasure.
Throughout his journey he stalls and is stopped and finds many things in the world he did not know.
He finds that always will the life of a shepherd be there, always will his old life remain, but never again do the chances of a new life, a special, destined life come along.
It speaks of taking chances, all the opportunities afforded to you.

Which is what I’m trying to do, I’m trying to seek out that which I believe to be my, I don’t want to say destiny because of the connotations with that word.
But I am seeking my path, my chosen way in life.
School unfortunately, or the way in which it is structured and the inability to tailor itself to a specific student is the reason why I am writing this.
This is not the place in which I will achieve what I believe my goals to be.

To that I would expect the response of “You should take the opportunities school affords you” which is valid, but not for me.
It may be hard to understand and seem wrong but I know where my path lies.
I will be applying to the intermission course at Carey Baptist College.
This is a year where we come out of it with a more developed spirituality and a NZQA Certificate in Applied Theology.

Which although might not sound like a solid foundation it is my passion.
As impulsive and bull headed as I may be, this is my passion, one of my favourite teachers said to me “Trent, What motivates you?”
This is it, my love for my faith is what drives me to be better, its my inspiration regardless of your personal beliefs I know you are all people who can understand and appreciate the fact that when someone is passionate about something, their learning cannot help but benefit from that passion.

I want to change the world, when you grow up and gain wisdom you loose stupidity, you loose the unadulterated ability to do anything you wish.
When you go to university and there are exceptions to every rule but, you loose that ability, you are restricted by age, and I want to go into that age believing still I'm unrestricted even if its not true.
Eleanor Roosevelt said this,
“Education today is not purely a question of the education of youth; it is a question of the education of parents, because so many parents, I find, have lost their hold on their children. One reason for this is that they insist on laying down the law without allowing a free intellectual interchange of ideas between themselves and the younger generation. I believe that as we grow older we gain some wisdom, but I do not believe that we can take it for granted that our wisdom will be accepted by the younger generation. We have to be prepared to put our thinking across to them. We cannot simply expect them to say, "Our older people have had experience and they have proved to themselves certain things, therefore they are right." That isn't the way the best kind of young people think. They want to experience for themselves.”

To be completely honest with all of you, I don’t know if I should complete this year, in my heart of hearts I would love to leave school, and earn money for my certificate next year.
Whether I can is a story for another essay.

I can promise you this, you will all hear of me in later years, I hope, as a world changer.
My ambition… to change the world on a scale as unbelievable as people to be awe struck, accepting the fact that it simply couldn’t have come from me.
But from where else…

Trent

Time

Time is constant
It is always
So
Time never runs out, we run out
We cant find time
So we dont have time
Not the other way around

Your life has to be based around a time structure
Which is structured so you can accomplish your goals

Ah Goals
They are the reason we never have time
Because the time of our lives, is based upon something we dont have.
Or our structure isnt sufficent to accomplish the goals we want, rather it is set to accomplish the goals of another.
Accomplish your goals

Dont live by the worlds standards, live by standards you determine to reach your goal.
If at anytime you need to be somewhere you arent, go there
It is more complicated than that
Granted

But its also far simpler
I trust in something beyond myself, in God
His timing is perfect
He is perfect

Maybe school isnt set to the same, but school isnt life
Life is a school
you learn, you fail, you succeed
But you always leave at that bell at the end of the day.
What will you learn, where will you go during the time you have.

This week

So ive decided to not post what i hope to be a world changing blog but just a blog of life.
The first day of the rest of my life...

The day after Xtend, i have no doubt in my mind my life has changed, not beyond recognition but significantly.
The high you get from Xtend has not yet worn off and i hope it never does, i want to simply keep raising the bar, again and again.
My christianity has taken a step in the right direction and now i feel refreshed in my Faith.
It all became about practical faith in the past few days, the nitty gritty, reading my bible and praying and worshiping god.
The stuff that he deserves and what will benefit us (although thats not the purpose) in the long run.
My biggest challenge recently has been trusting the entirety of my life into Gods hands.
Its easier said than done, because in our hearts we believe something so strongly the idea that it may not be what is intended for us, is inconcievable, just unimaginable
but those words inconcievable, and unimaginable... they describe God.

Thats what he is so there is no better entity to trust your frightening ideas in your life.
Its a rocky road the one we walk, but and the end you are far better conditioned than walking and easy path.

There have been some interesting things ive found when reading the bible this week (i read three chapters a day monday through saturday and five on sunday)
1 John 4: 7 - 21
This passage speaks of god being love "Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love"
It speaks of loving one another as Jesus loved us because if we love one another Jesus lives in us.
I combined this with 1 corinthians 13 it says " Love is not slef serving... (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always persevers" God is all those things.

So God wants us to love, he wants that in our lives, but as he has described it.

More to come, to much to blog during an english lesson

Xtend

Xtend the christian camp to change the world.
There is to much to god to blog about his glory and grace already the muscles in my fingers begin to pulse as i type about the sheer scale of wonder and amazement at xtend and the presence of god.
There is to much that went on to comprehend, he is so vast and on such a massive scale none among us can remember the entirety.
He is so vast all i can do is praise that
He challenged me and convicted me and i love him for it.
I will blog more about him later
but i must say thanks to him for all he has done in my life

Remind myself to blog about earth standards, of time and morales and of ummmmm something else i cant think of.
His sheer love for us thats the one

Trent

Inspiration dos

Humanity = Weakness

Humanity is weakness...
Its a struggle to live.
I have a burning decision choking my spirituality i think... choking something... im not whole with it the way it is i think.
What if i am and i loose it only to realise that it was the thing that completed me.
Fear holds me

For all my strength drawn from god... humanity is the best weapon the devil possesses.
I wish i had the fable crystal ball
I wish i could see the two outcomes... but i cant.
I yearn for it though

The holy grail of my condition

Inspiration

Ahhh wasted time

You know what i think is really stupid, when you know you shouldnt be thinking something, or doing something but you cant help but do it.
i dont mean like drinking or smoking or whatever but emotions, you know like... anger, jealousy all those ones mate.
Pointless yet you cant control how you feel.
Mind you...
If you could control it... it wouldnt be 'feeling' would it...
it would become thinking

Still, maybe that could be good. elective emotions but then how long before all emotions that ever turned negative would be erased huh huh huh ? who knows

My point is, i really dont like hating someone and being unable to like them... not for lack of wanting.
I wish i could ignore my gut reaction swallow my pride but i cant atm.

ahh thats what emo songs are for i spose

Life

Is it ok to be on a different path to the one your love is on?
How long until the two paths differ to greatly...
Neither can ask the other to change paths
But both want it
How long
How long
Until the path isnt the only thing thats changed ?

Youth

Oh if you didnt know im going to keep you updated on my youth iniative throught the entire process

this is some more interesting stuff found on the net, on one persons ideas on how to help the youth.

Problems Of The Youth
Youth has always been regarded to be the nicest period of human lives. It is the period when young people can be carefree without the burden of responsibility which brings the parenthood or daily winning of one’s bread. But youth, seemingly a free time of life, also brings some specific problems:
It is the period of life when people do the most important decisions that can have fatal consequences for their future family and career. This decisions, and also the difficult period of early parenthood or professional career, following abruptly the carefree period of early youth, demands personal maturity.
Immature parenthood can spoil lives of at least three people. It is a serious problem of the young, just like the problem of unemployment or the specific drug problem.
The pressure on the young to get to a university is very high too. It is difficult these times, as the competition is very tough and, unfortunately, not always fair.
Bullying is also a problem of the children at our schools. Thanks to enlightment our bullies do not openly annoy the physically handicapped. But many young people do not know, that there can be a lot of psychical handicaps, and also don’t realize how deep their remarks, jokes or violence can psychically mark the victim.
Another problem of young people, and one of the most typical ones, is the generation gap.
The best way to describe the generation gap is to aim at the parents-children relationship. The elder criticize the way how the young people dress and behave, and they often say, that they have no sense of responsibility today. The young have they own values, which their parents not always like: they are sometimes against their child’s fashion, friends and girl/boyfriends, hobbies, music, idols, lifestyle and other things their child appreciates so much.
Another point of misunderstanding is security. The parents are more afraid of their child as the teenager of himself and don’t allow him to go where he would love to, or until he wants to. They think up various catastrophic scenarios of what could happen to their beloved offspring. Sometimes this problem can be solved by explaining the own fears within the family, but mostly the parents just give orders and prohibitions and the good relationship between them and their child is broken.
It is obviously necessary that there should be more comprehension on both sides.
I think the young should remember that the older have gained greater life experiences and they just try to give these to us, hoping it will help us in our future life.
On the other hand, the older shouldn’t assume that they know best for the simple reason that they have been around a little longer. The parents should also remember how they used to be when they were young. That in their young times, they argued with parents about clothing, hair cut and tattoo too. And they should realize that the development of their child, of all young people, of the world, is natural, just like the child’s need for independence. It is important, that they realize, they can’t rule our life. They have to release us to the real world and hope, that they brought us up well and that we will manage our lives good.

Interesting

Education today is not purely a question of the education of youth; it is a question of the education of parents, because so many parents, I find, have lost their hold on their children. One reason for this is that they insist on laying down the law without allowing a free intellectual interchange of ideas between themselves and the younger generation. I believe that as we grow older we gain some wisdom, but I do not believe that we can take it for granted that our wisdom will be accepted by the younger generation. We have to be prepared to put our thinking across to them. We cannot simply expect them to say, "Our older people have had experience and they have proved to themselves certain things, therefore they are right." That isn't the way the best kind of young people think. They want to experience for themselves. I find they are perfectly willing to talk to older people, but they don't want to talk to older people who are shocked by their ideas, nor do they want to talk to older people who are not realistic.


We might just as well accept things which are facts as facts and not try to imagine that the world is different, more like what we idealized in the past. I have a letter just the other day from a mother who told me that she had brought up several daughters, and that they never did certain things which are very common today among young people. She was sure that if we never countenanced or spoke of certain things in our homes our children would never do those things. Well, it just so happens that I have a number of boys and they happen to know the mother's girls. I have, therefore, seen a good deal of them, and they did every single thing that their mother told me they never did. I think it would have been far better if she had established a type of genuine relationship with her children which would have allowed them to be honest with her. Then she would have had an opportunity to put across her own ideas with some kind of hope that they would at least be considered

these are not my own ideas but are taken from the website http://newdeal.feri.org/er/er21.htm which are brilliant ideas, something i can really use in my inquiry process.

these ideas are elanor roosevelts... from 1935 but yet still apply to today which tells me little progress on the whole has been made... this needs to change so it will change

Youth issues

Just as i type this i have been challenged by perhaps one of the most intelligent teachers i have come to know.
to affect change in this world
to actually affect change on a large scale.
my passion is for the youth, that is where my heart sits.

im going to work towards solving issues for youth
first by finding out what issues i believe to be of paramount importance

i believe issues adressing

racism i.e personal acceptance of stereotypes leading to slef doubt and low self esteem.
identifying strengths of youth i.e personally and on a wider scale such as on a cultural level.
identifying the threats to personal development i.e obstacles.
seeing what the youth want from live, what motivates them.
target areas in auckland that need adressing.

the beauty of this all... it can be done
no ifs, buts, or maybes... this can be completed

Some of my favourite quotes

When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

've lived all five of my acts, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Light bulbs die, my dear. I am departing

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it

I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime. This is my last pair.

Doctor

Inspired by a man with no name.

Love, the fleeting existence we are englufed by, is given purpose only by love.
Pointless life, made... worth something
By love
Love, the simply ridiculous emotion, no its more than that, it becomes chemical, physiological, emotionally and spiritually needed.
It is the reason for reason
It is what gave purpose its purpose
It is the thing worth fighting for the things worth fighting for

I love, i have lost, but in comparrison so litte to that which i have gained
I gained purpose to my purpose

I love
I am englufed by it
I love her
If you dont know who im talking about
I would question if you know what love is
The thought of a life without her, is the thought of the absence of life
Not death
Not life

Void

She... is my light, the thing of which i yearn.
i love her so

Outward appearance

Lately ive been feeling... to put it bluntly fat
ive gained weight since rugby has been cancelled i havent had constant training to do
so yeah the inevitable happened

Running, its very boring, its hard but rewarding
as your running and that sweat tracks down the side of your head you know your working
i went for a run today which is what i hope to be the first in a daily activity

I thought i had accomplished a fair bit but as i get home, my parents tell me i should be running more and longer, i just started what do they expect, kind of put a downer on to my already self concious self

parents aye

Jealousy

Jealousy

Man can it burn
Tearing down walls like no session of therapy can
Its so raw and unvinited
Such an honest gut emotion, it knows what it wants, it knows its purpose...
Its unkind and brutal
Sometimes it can be welcome, a release from the normal unaffected demeanor
Its the thing that grows when feelings are witheld
It prays on doubt on the frailty of our being
Its an emotion so its inescapable
Its impossible not to encounter it

and so it should be... it breaks things, it destroys relationships, it cripples
it cuts...
and so it should be

it is often said.. heroes are only measured against their villians
the greater the villian the greater strength required from the hero
the greater the price the higher the personal cost

Be the hero

Rise above all the pettyness, rise above the gut reaction to a situation you dont like
be valiant
be strong.
be courageous
be scared

Do all the things you cant, look at what you dont have, and go after it

There are things in this life we will never attain, things simply beyond our grasp because the person next to us fell down trying to get them
Dont fall
But if you do.... Fall from the top

Challenge

I want to write something... so inspirational, so wonderful, so just purely brilliantly pure
that change is inevitable
im searching for it, will post when i can change the world ...

Fire

Above all other animals, humans were the first to ignore their instincts
The first to use fire as a tool rather than fear it
going against millions of years of genetics, we used it rather than succumb to it.
going against base fear, base instincts, base passions.
if we could do it then why is it so hard now.
Why do these base emotions rule our lives
why does our hunger for fleshy things
extinguish the thought and reason that existed before thought and reason
Martin Luther king said that "it is out light not our darkness that most frightens us"

The ability to do good does not always result in it being done
Although it can
Rise out of the darkness
Rise into the light
Overcoming those base, those prehistoric instincts has served us so well.
The amazing advances are beyond comprehension and the potential is even more.
We know the answers to lifes questions
We just choose to write the wrong ones

Such a simple thing, the use of fire has given us the world we now have.
Why not do it again
Why is the impulse for instant gratification so accepted, when a fuffilled life is just a choice away

Be the light
As to extinguish the darkness
Because if you do not shine.
Everything around you fades

Beginning To Feel

My first blog.

What to write... well here goes.

Majesty
As i utter that word a holiness falls
a beauty unsurpassed by anything mortal eyes can see.
A beauty felt
A beauty lived
Majesty
As i utter that word i praise
As i utter that word i fail
I fall miserably before the highest seat
Yet from atop the highest heights... he comes down
Among the filth
Among the hate
Among the real
He chose to sit
Not to stand amongst
but to bow to those who would sell him
Silver and gold
Lions and the lamb
Perfection and profanity
The king.

Jesus our lord and savior walked upon us not as king but as a servant, he became the lowest of the already so low. How could one who washed the feet of many so small, be anything but perfection.

For me... Lord... i am ever grateful and although i may not show it all the time, although i fall... i fall to you lord.
I know you know...
And that's the beauty of you
YOU know...
Not only what i have done... what i will do...
You have read the novel of my life seen the horror, the comedy, and the tragedy and chosen to finish the story.
At every moment of my life... you loved.
For this my almighty host
I am ever grateful.